Have you ever thought that work could remind you of a difficult childhood?

Have you ever struggled in the workplace? If you had a toxic family and difficult childhood, the modern workplace can be tricky.

The modern workplace can represent faceless, unaccountable power, much like toxic families. Often there are rules which don’t make sense and aren’t explained.

Does this resonate with you?

Read more about why you might you struggle below.

Are you triggered at work?

Being triggered means that our response is highly emotionally charged and linked to stuff that happened when growing up.

But it doesn’t mean that what’s happening here and now is right or okay. Your workplace may also be toxic! It’s just that how you respond and your experience of it could be influenced by your childhood. And this is what you can work on in therapy.

I was often triggered by performance metrics and games. Battling against them by refusing to participate didn’t change them, it just slowed my career.

What do you find difficult?

Below I outline 3 common work situations that could be reminding you of early experiences, triggering similar feelings.

1. Badly behaved managers

As 80% of UK bosses lack any formal management or leadership training it’s, sadly, not shocking if your manager behaves badly, potentially creating a difficult and triggering relationship with them.

Parents are usually the first authority figures in our lives. But if the people we relied on to look out for us abused their power, it sets us up to be reminded of it or 'triggered' by other badly behaved authority figures.

The part of you that gets triggered is the small child who was powerless in the face of more powerful adults. As an adult, you naturally want to protect that part of yourself

2. Being undervalued

Not being recognised at work can include not being promoted, supported, being given too much work, or work going unnoticed. Concerns about this might be dismissed so you feel invisible.

Of course this is wrong, but it feels triggering when it repeats a similar childhood experience of not being accepted, seen, or valued.

It’s normal to want to be valued at work but if your self-worth is contingent on this, it might reflect what you didn’t get growing up. Perhaps your parents were unengaged, preoccupied, or absent in some way. Or maybe love and attention was contingent on you performing.

3. Performance measures and reviews

These systems are quite toxic and inhumane – rating and measuring ‘performance’ using numbers that decide career progression. Too ambiguous to be of value, they’re biased by the person doing them and/or the toxicity of the system in which they’re done.

The ‘written’ rules might differ from what happens, creating inconsistency and confusion that mimics dysfunctional parenting.

Feeling overly reactive about feedback on your performance, might be reminding you of the dehumanising, judgemental, lack of control, and powerlessness you experienced growing up.

How therapy can help

If you’re triggered, work issues can take up too much space in your emotions and head! Your reactions might be disproportionate to a present work situation that reminds you of how you felt growing up.

Putting things right in the present may feel like a way to resolve the past. But you’re not able to do that because you can’t change the past. An example would be to keep trying to be seen and valued at work and getting nowhere.

You might not be aware that this has become a pattern for you and that’s where therapy can really help. Knowing where your past fits will enable you to process and leave it where it belongs. That way your expectations and responses to work can be rooted in the present.

So in a nutshell, it could be that any difficult experiences at work are exacerbated by your difficult childhood. This can happen when you're not aware of how and why what's happening at work is reminding you of how you felt growing up. I've highlighted three common aspects of modern work culture that could trigger past feelings and what these might be. How does this happen for you?

It's important to remember that this doesn't mean that any bad stuff happening at work is okay. But just that your experience of it could be made worse by your history.

Therapy can help you to become aware of the triggers and - ultimately - resolve the childhood trauma so that is has less impact on your work life.

If you found this helpful, please read my other blogs on childhood trauma:

Two common behaviours that are linked to childhood trauma

Three ways to develop emotional independence after childhood trauma

In what ways is work reminding you of your upbringing? If this is something you'd like to explore please visit my website for more details about my services. You can also book a call with me below.