I was recently chatting with a friend who was seeking a private therapist for her teenage son. She was totally baffled by different options and what to prioritise.

I was able to guide my friend, but it got me thinking that other people might wrestle with the question of ‘what’s most important?’

So, what are the main things to know when seeking a therapist?

1. How you ‘get on’ with them

Did you know that qualification level, approach etc. is less important than how you relate to a therapist? Yes, research shows that a strong ‘working alliance’ is the most crucial factor in therapy.

If you don’t feel like your therapist is trying to understand you, collaborating with you, working in your best interest, and generally on your side, therapy will be less effective.

Like many, I offer a free consultation and you can make use of these to get a sense of someone in advance.

2. Your goals for therapy

You don’t need very specific goals, but a broad idea of what you might want from therapy can really help you to prioritise and get the most out of it, especially if there are constraints around how much time or money you can spend.

I usually work with a client to determine their goals at the outset, noting that these evolve during the process.

What can really help is to work backwards by considering your life problem-free and asking: ‘what would be different?’

3. Therapy approach

It helps to consider how therapy approach might help you to meet your goals but remember the working alliance too.

It’s also useful to consider these alongside how you might like to proceed in therapy. For instance, CBT therapy is shown to be effective for issues like anxiety, but is also brief, structured, and requires homework.

My own approach is integrative, as I don’t believe that one approach fits all.

See the BACP for an A-Z of the different types of therapy.

4. Professional credentials

Credentials are important. But here’s what you should know:

• Counselling is unregulated in the UK, ergo (in theory) anybody can call themselves a counsellor.
• Membership of an accredited counselling body (e.g. BACP), means that they adhere to minimum standards of training.
• Experience is gained via training placements, so even newly qualified therapists are ‘experienced’.
• Prestigious qualifications don’t mean ‘better’ as effective counselling is about the working relationship I mentioned earlier.

5. Your expectations

I know from my own therapy that it’s bloody hard work. At times the questions and scrutiny felt excruciating. But this is because therapy isn’t meant to be easy. It’s meant to challenge you.

It’s not always easy to know from the outset how long it will take for you to change or grow. But after a few sessions or as soon as you feel challenged (like it’s hard work!), that’s because it’s working.

However, to build a relationship which nurtures that challenge, you need to attend consistently, usually every week. Are you willing to commit to therapy? It seems obvious, but not much can happen unless you actually go.

You can be reassured though, that having had therapy themselves, your therapist also appreciates that you might find it difficult. I had 3 years of it, so I know how it feels to be a client.

I hope that you found this blog helpful. Please get in touch for ‘challenging’ support!